When I think about the past four years, a mix of emotions and memories come up –there have been moments that shine like bright lights but also ones that snuff out the flame, which is to be expected for an average person navigating college in their early 20's. As a whole experience, college can be deeply frustrating, incredibly stressful to the point where you feel like the life is sucked out of you everyday, and also have some of the most formative, exhilarating, fun, and intoxicating (not a pun!!) times in your life. In short, I think college is simply complicated. There really is nothing quite like navigating what you want to do for a career while figuring out who you are as a person.

 

The past four years, I've spent a lot of time working on my personal growth, reacting to unexpected circumstances and learning what it means to adapt and confront the scariness of change. Academically, my experience in college was also not linear, but rather had many twists, turns, and leaps of faith. But I truly believe that I had the greatest experience because it was an experience that was all my own. If certain things didn't pan out the way they did, I might not have been part of CEP and would not have experienced the level of community that I did. I would not have found my passion of working with people, forming and storming social bonds, and had the honor of being part of conversations rooted in social justice that comes with being in a major that is entirely student-directed.  

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Are there things I'd do differently? Sure. Yes. I'd try x more, put more effort in y, and definitely spend less time on z. But do I have regrets? No, not really. Not even for the hardest experiences that I still spend time unpacking today. Because in spite of how difficult some things were or how I feel when I compare my experiences to others', I know that I've grown an incredible amount because of everything that's occurred, from the amazing experiences that immediately offered happiness, to the more depressing ones that eventually led me to even better and healthier horizons. And this was a necessary growth I specifically needed that has helped me become a more well-rounded person each day, the same way that everyone must go through their own harsh winters to bloom in time for spring. 

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As I'm writing this and thinking about the next few months of my post-grad life, I'm filled with excitement, relief, and apprehension. I'm excited about the future and what new things I may discover, relieved that I'm done with school (as of now) and can turn my attention towards building a career and practicing more hobbies, and also apprehensive because I no longer have the familiar environment of school and must now "figure out" what being an adult is like. At the same time, I'm constantly reminding myself that this next chapter is daunting but I can take the time for myself to figure it out. Being patient, working hard towards your goals, and finding joys in life beyond career or monetary achievements are all part of the process, and in no way am I less than others if the path I'm taking looks different. The catchphrase of my senior project was "we are all stories waiting to unfold" and I'm reminding myself that I, too, am a story continuously unfolding, becoming a richer, more detailed autobiography day by day. 

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I've always been someone who's constantly looked forward to the future, wishing to be 20 when I was 15 and now waiting for 30 at 22. Now that I've reached the finish line of undergrad, I'm reflecting back on the valuable impressions college has made on me and the impact that I've also hopefully made on those around me. The greatest thing that has made me the proudest and happiest throughout college is the connections and friendships I've made with people I've met and especially the group of people I met for the first time in Gould 110 two years ago who I've come to love. As I think back about the community of friends I've made at UW, particularly in CEP, I can't help but think of this quote from a childhood hero of mine, Winnie the Pooh: "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

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How lucky I am to have a community in CEP that makes saying goodbye so hard.

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-Susue